Sunday, 7 July 2013

The Chaucer Pubbe Gagge

'Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe, 
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe, 
In expectatione of revelrie, 
For 'twas the houre known as happye. Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe, 
And hadde a reallye good laffe. 
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione, 
For 'twas two for the price of one. 

Yet after wine and meade and sac, 
Man must have a massive snack, 
Great pasties from Cornwalle! 
Scottishe eggs round like a balle! 
Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese! They suck'd the bones and drank the grease! 

(One fellowe stood all pale and wan, 
For he was vegetarianne) 
Yet man knoweth that gluttonie, 
Stoketh the fyre of lecherie, 
Upon three young wenches round and slye, 
The fellowes cast a wanton eye.

One did approach, with drunkene winke: 
"'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?", 
Soon they caught them on their knee, 
'Twas like some grotesque puppettrie! 
Such was the lewdness and debaucherie - 
'Twas like a sketch by Dick Emery! 
(Except that Dick Emery is not yet borne - 
So such comparisonne may not be drawn). 

But then the fellowes began to pale, 
For quail are not the friende of ale! 
And in their bellyes much confusione! 
From their throats vile extrusione! 
Stinking foule corruptionne! 
Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes, 
The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe, 
'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe! 
Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette, 
In the street, no coyne, no strumpet. 

Homeward bounde, must quicklie go, 
To that ende - a donkey stole! 
Their handes all with vomit greased, 
The donkey was not pleased, 
 And threw them into a ditche of shite! 
They all agreed: "What a brillant night!"'

Well now for something completely different! lol This is by the amazing comedian Bill Bailey, who is easily my all time favourite. He is a highly intellectual comedian, with a very skewed view on life and is an absolutely fantastic musician - here is the link to watch him perform 'The Chaucer Pubbe Gagge' on Youtube.

I wanted to post something totally different today (but not so different that it's not connected to writing) so here it is! - and after all 'The Canterbury Tales' is just one long poem. I've read the 'Canterbury Tales' (a translated version) and just loved it! It also has that added appeal that Geoffrey Chaucer died before completing it so you never see them reach Canterbury, and so never know how it all ends - don't we all love a mystery.

In other news I'm excited to say that my poem 'A Sleepless Summer' will be featured on Morgen Bailey's Writing Blog ~ Post-Weekend Poetry tomorrow, 8th July at 7pm (UK time) - I will post it on twitter when it's live. Also later in the summer two of my flash fiction pieces will be featured on her 'Flash Fiction Fridays', things are looking positive :)

Hope you are having a lovely weekend enjoying the sunshine.


  1. I was so disappointed when the poem was not yours!! Side-splitting lines. :)

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Jade, that poem is so so funny. You can just picture the events that took place and how it all ended, I had a good laugh. I could smell the sick coming when it said 'Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes'. I've seen people do this a few times down the pub in my life, and they did get kicked out real quick, ha ha ha.

    I'm so pleased that you got featured on Morgan Bailey's Writing Blog, and that your flash fiction pieces will be too. It's another avenue for people to read your great work. Nice one. You must be so happy.

    I can't believe the weather we are having right now. It's been late 20s to 30s well over a week now. I can't soak up enough of it. Hope you're having a hot one down there too :)

    1. Hi Rum

      Thanks for your comment and a big thank you for always being a regular visitor :)

      I'll be posting on the 1st of August and letting everyone know that I am taking a breather for a few months.