Friday, 6 July 2012

Still Waters

This well is far too deep, deep and black,
a watery void.
These dark grey aging stones are holding onto the surface
with bitter ambition.
Old and darkening, adorned with olive-green mosses.

This well was built by my hands,
each stone laid down under a waxing moon.
I am fated to drown beneath its brown shameful waters,
waters that flow so deep they touch
the very Past, Present, and Future.

I will sink ever further through stagnant tides
with my lungs overflowing and my eyes blind.
Sinking past the places beyond
the light of the living world

I will touch the solid core of the Earth with cold lifeless hands and wish that I did not feel.

This poem is very apt today seeing as Yorkshire is soaking wet through. I wanted to share some of my darker poetry, life isn't all sunshine, sometimes our feelings can eat us alive. I wrote this in 2010, after finally finding the right words to describe my emotions and how deep I feel that they run. I described them to Carl as a deep well, I sometimes feel like I am drowning. I'll bet many people who have suffered depression would relate to this poem.

I have been bullied throughout my life by people at school, my so-called family and even people wanting to be my friends. I cannot understand why people feel the need to try to destroy other people and no matter how 'small' you try and make yourself, they still take the time and effort to make you feel worthless. We also live in a society that seems to accept the bully and the victim 'should learn to deal with bullies' because they exist in society and no-one is going to make them change their ways! Why do they exist then? Because no-one says that this is wrong! and I am not just talking about obvious bullying. Many people are bullied (including myself) by manipulation, talking behind your back, turning others against you. All the while smiling and pretending that they are just trying to do their best for you. 

Maybe it isn't just a matter of coping with the bullies?  How many people are suffering depression and anxiety at the hands of others' cruelty rather than a chemical imbalance/grief etc? Maybe if people were just kinder to each other then the growing rates of people off work and on tablets for depression would fall and many would be able to breathe again. 


  1. I think a lot of writers are born out of the isolation of feeling bullied and alone. This aspect is good but it doesn't address the harmful long-term effects of bullying. One of the benefits of aging is realizing the truth of one of my favorite quotes: "When you're in your twenties, you care about what everyone else thinks. When you're in your thirties, you stop caring what everyone else thinks. When you're in your forties, you realize that it's always been everyone else who cares what YOU think."

    1. Hi Teresa, thank you for commenting. I really love the quote I think I will have to steal it! :)
      I hope I will one day realise the truth of the quote and forget about certain people and their cruelty.

  2. Loved this post for it's honesty. Unfortunately, we do live in a world where many people such as bullies exist, and they seem to reign pretty well for a season. I remember my very first day at a new school and guess what? someone tried to bully me. Because I was coming from a very abusive household I wasn't going to allow myself to be bullied at school as well. So we fought big time, there and then. From that day, the bully left me alone although they continued to bully many others through the years.

    Although it is a hard thing to do, we should speak out more against it, name and shame those who continue to bully and more action should be taken in schools, work places and society against those who take up a career in making other people's lives a misery.

    I can also see the 'torment' in the bully of having to wake up each morning with a heart full of hatred.

    I really enjoyed reading this post and the poem is absolutely wonderful.

    1. Hi Rum-Punch Drunk, it's great to see you on here :) and thank you for your lovely compliment about the poem.
      I once tried to stand up to a bully at school. I hit her when she started bullying me! It didn't work out too well, I had to go and apologise in front of the whole classroom and no one wanted to hear why I had hit her!
      I agree that more people need to talk about bullying and it's effects on people throughout their life.

  3. Hi, came across your blog on BC, I'm following now. I used to suffered from depression, but I came out of it. Please, visit my blog and follow me back.

    Sometimes it looks like everything is falling apart and all you do fails, but you have to stay strong. Night is always darkest before the dawn and your life is just the same - the hard times will pass, everything will get better and the sun will shine brighter than ever.

    1. Hi Positive Fountain, thank you for following and for your lovely comment. I had a look at your great blog, it's fascinating and I am a firm believer in the law of attraction. It has sometimes felt like an uphill struggle to think positive, but I try my best :)